I Was A Dork In High School, Okay????

In "honor" of the completely unnecessary second X-Files movie, I'll share a little song parody I wrote back in high school.

It's meant to be a take on "Best of All Possible Worlds" from Candide, which you can hear here. (You should watch; it's got Kristin Chenoweth.)

Chris Carter is standing at the head of a classroom. His students are Mulder, Scully, Skinner, and Krycek.

CC:
Let us review
Chapter eleven!

Students:
Paragraph two,
Axiom... one???

CC:
Once one dismisses the rest of all possible shows
One finds that this is the best of all possible shows!

Students:
Once one dismisses the rest of all possible shows
One finds that this is the best of all possible shows!

CC:
Pray classify
Black oil and green goo:

Skinner:
Black oil clouds eyes.

Krycek:
Green goo eats through shoes!

CC:
There is a reason for everything under the sun

Scully:
Is there a reason why we all said "Axiom one?"

Skinner:
Objection!
What about bees?

CC:
Twas bees that led to Scully's fall
When she was there in Mulder's hall
Oh, happy bliss!
Potential kiss!
The shippers were excited!

Krycek:
Instead, love unrequited!

CC:
If bees had not been introduced
In season four first sighted
That kiss would no doubt have produced
A liaison which would reduce
This show to merely twaddle!

Now on to Aristotle!

Mankind is one,
All men are brothers.

Students:
Some hybrids come
From human mothers.

CC:
It's understood in this best of all possible shows
All's for the good in this best of all possible shows!

Mulder:
Objection!
What about corn?

CC:
Though corn may seem a yummy treat
Our corn you wouldn't want to eat
Because when grown, it has been shown
To hold the black oil virus!

Students:
A threat that doth inspire us!

CC:
I know that you all want to go
And fight the black oil virus,
But really, if you all must know,
We haven't had corn on the show
Since X-Files: Fight The Future.

Students:
A broken mytharc suture.

CC:
Mulder, it's me
Sure, fine, whatever...

Students:
Mulder, it's me
Sure, fine, whatever...

CC:
Proving that this is the best of all possible shows!
Some love, no kisses, the best of all possible shows.

Believe: The truth is out there!
I made this!

The ensemble continues repeating "Believe: The truth is out there" and "I made this!" in various challenging harmonies until they reach the climax:

Believe the truth is out there in this
Best of all possible, possible, possible shows!

Chris Carter leaps onto a table.

CC:
I know the truth is out there!
I!
Made!
THIS!!!!!!!